jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind

Why We Attend A New Church … 11-23-2015

So recently, OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) went to have a talk with the minister at our church. “Pastor Steve,” she said, “I have a problem — ThOm keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?”

“I have an idea,” he said. “Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when he is sleeping, and I will nod to you at specific times. When I nod, you give him a good poke in the leg.”

In church the following Sunday, I dozed off. Noticing this, Pastor Steve put his plan to work. “And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?” he said, nodding to OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy).

“Jesus!” I cried as OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) jabbed me in the leg with the hatpin.

“Yes, you are right, my son,” said Pastor Steve.

Soon,I nodded off again. And again, Pastor Steve noticed.

“Who is your redeemer?” he asked the congregation, motioning towards OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy).

“God!” I cried out as I was stuck again with the hatpin.

“Right again,” Pastor Steve said, smiling.

Before long, I once again winked off. However, this time Pastor Steve did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) mistook as signals to bayonet me with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, “And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?”

When OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) poked me yet again, I yelled, “You stick that
damned thing in me one more time and I’ll break it off and shove it up your …!!!!!”

We’re now attending a new church …