~ So … I got kicked out of Whole Foods for not wearing a tracksuit again.
~ Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask her, “So how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
~ Don’t try me …I can overeat you under the table.
~ I think OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) judges other people’s driving pretty harshly for someone who can barely line up their tires with the carwash tracks.
~ To clarify, my posts are never serious. Well … except for that time I called my former boss an asshole.
~ If screaming obscenities at an inanimate object doesn’t fix the problem then my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor is out of luck.
~ If a guy uses the term “roomies” after the age of 30, it’s code for “cell mates.”
~ It would take a real idiot to write my autobiography.
~ I’m gonna hire a person to speak at my funeral and say a bunch of crazy stuff about me so my friends and family think I had a secret life.
~ So today I heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog, “NO!” … and then more quietly, “We talked about this!”
~ I’m an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want … and I wish someone would take this power from me.
~ I once asked my former boss, “Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven … because they wouldn’t let you in because you’re a BITCH?”
~ I think I’m pretty okay at doing stuff … and then I try to plug something into an outlet I’m not looking directly at.
~ My Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor’s wife took the “Which Disney Princess Are You?” quiz … and got Quasimodo. Personally I think it was spot on.
~ Personally, I would rather get hit by a car than jog in place at an intersection.
~ The term “fashion faux pas” does not exist in my vernacular …
~ There’s a stack of sweaters in our closet that OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) can’t wear because she hasn’t touched them in a year so there’s definitely a spider in them.
~ Anytime you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look.