jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind


Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind … 9-5-2016

~ So … I got kicked out of Whole Foods for not wearing a tracksuit again.

~ Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask her, “So how does my lack of progress make you feel?”

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~ Don’t try me …I can overeat you under the table.

~ I think OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) judges other people’s driving pretty harshly for someone who can barely line up their tires with the carwash tracks.

~ To clarify, my posts are never serious. Well … except for that time I called my former boss an asshole.

~ If screaming obscenities at an inanimate object doesn’t fix the problem then my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor is out of luck.

~ If a guy uses the term “roomies” after the age of 30, it’s code for “cell mates.”

~ It would take a real idiot to write my autobiography.

~ I’m gonna hire a person to speak at my funeral and say a bunch of crazy stuff about me so my friends and family think I had a secret life.

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~ So today I heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog, “NO!” … and then more quietly, “We talked about this!”

~ I’m an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want … and I wish someone would take this power from me.

~ I once asked my former boss, “Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven … because they wouldn’t let you in because you’re a BITCH?”

~ I think I’m pretty okay at doing stuff … and then I try to plug something into an outlet I’m not looking directly at.

~ My Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor’s wife took the “Which Disney Princess Are You?” quiz … and got Quasimodo. Personally I think it was spot on.

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~ Personally, I would rather get hit by a car than jog in place at an intersection.

~ The term “fashion faux pas” does not exist in my vernacular …

~ There’s a stack of sweaters in our closet that OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) can’t wear because she hasn’t touched them in a year so there’s definitely a spider in them.

~ Anytime you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look.

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