jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind


Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind … 9-26-2016

~ What I thought was a trick up my sleeve turned out to be a dryer sheet.

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~ All I said was “your whiskers are coming in nicely.” I don’t know why the lady at Wal*Mart got all huffy at me.

~ My favorite thing to do when it’s cold outside, is to not go outside.

~ Long story short, I slipped on a fabric softener sheet in Wal*Mart today and I think I finally got the whole “nay nay” thing down.

~ There’s a fine line between crazy and “happily married.”

~ I have plenty of willpower … it’s won’t power I’m short on.

~ I passed an infinity scarf in the middle of the road today. I can only assume that there is a white girl on the front of a car somewhere.

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~ Whenever I’m feeling insignificant, just think about how many people consider me easily replaceable.

~ I’ve always been against my better judgment.

~ The only bright side to food poisoning is weighing yourself when it’s over.

~ Just a heads up … the Tennessee DMV won’t allow you to wear a tiara in your license photo.

~ If I had any self-control … I’d probably eat it, too.

~ I knew it was time to vacuum when the cat rolled over and looked like an everything bagel.

~ Someone called 1-800-GOT-JUNK on me last week.

~ Pretty weird how a quarter pounder can give you seven pounds of diarrhea.

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~ The best way to avoid being kidnapped and held for ransom is by being completely worthless … so I’m totally safe.

~ The highlight of my day was watching my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor spend 20 minutes trying to blow out a battery powered candle.

~ With some hard work and dedication there’s almost no limit as to what you can hide in your belly button.

~ It doesn’t matter what the question is, if it’s about hot dogs, my answer is seven.

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