~ What I thought was a trick up my sleeve turned out to be a dryer sheet.
~ All I said was “your whiskers are coming in nicely.” I don’t know why the lady at Wal*Mart got all huffy at me.
~ My favorite thing to do when it’s cold outside, is to not go outside.
~ Long story short, I slipped on a fabric softener sheet in Wal*Mart today and I think I finally got the whole “nay nay” thing down.
~ There’s a fine line between crazy and “happily married.”
~ I have plenty of willpower … it’s won’t power I’m short on.
~ I passed an infinity scarf in the middle of the road today. I can only assume that there is a white girl on the front of a car somewhere.
~ Whenever I’m feeling insignificant, just think about how many people consider me easily replaceable.
~ I’ve always been against my better judgment.
~ The only bright side to food poisoning is weighing yourself when it’s over.
~ Just a heads up … the Tennessee DMV won’t allow you to wear a tiara in your license photo.
~ If I had any self-control … I’d probably eat it, too.
~ I knew it was time to vacuum when the cat rolled over and looked like an everything bagel.
~ Someone called 1-800-GOT-JUNK on me last week.
~ Pretty weird how a quarter pounder can give you seven pounds of diarrhea.
~ The best way to avoid being kidnapped and held for ransom is by being completely worthless … so I’m totally safe.
~ The highlight of my day was watching my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor spend 20 minutes trying to blow out a battery powered candle.
~ With some hard work and dedication there’s almost no limit as to what you can hide in your belly button.
~ It doesn’t matter what the question is, if it’s about hot dogs, my answer is seven.