~ I normally do more damage doing damage control.
~ I’m not stubborn and I’m never changing my mind about that no matter how right you are.
~ I’ve never been great at multi-tasking … or quite frankly regular tasking.
~ My Doc always loses me at, “Can’t be taken with alcohol.”
~ I wouldn’t say I’ve “totally let myself go”… but I have “seriously loosened my grip.”
~ I just won $12 in the Powerball. Don’t worry I won’t let it change me.
~ I don’t even drink. I’m just … like this.
~ I’m never doing anything that requires me to wear a backpack full of water.
~ Ever find it weird how a quarter pounder can give you seven pounds of diarrhea?
~ I will never ever be old enough to know better …
~ Have you noticed on the news … it’s always the village idiot who’s social commentary gets projected.
~ Do you have to do something bad to be in the witness-protection program or do they take walk-ins?
~ I have completely eliminated mindless eating from my life. Consuming that giant bag of Doritos today was a conscious decision.
~ If by “foodie,” you mean “appreciates the culinary wizardry that is a Cheesy Gordita Supreme”… then yes, I’m a “foodie.”
~ I like to sit in a Wal*Mart bathroom stall and ask, “How long has it been since your last confession?” to everyone who comes in.
~ I hate it when I get tricked into reading a poem and there’s no punch line.
~ My posts make many people sorry they’re literate.
~ I actually caught OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) dialing 1-800-GOT-JUNK about the garage …
~ Do homeless people really need all that soup?
~ Drinking water all day long is terrible. I’ve almost peed my pants twice … and for sure one time.