~ I’m not saying cutting off an ambulance on the way to pick up my pizza was right … I’m just saying it was totally worth it.
~ I street-raced a tractor today … in case you’re wondering just how Ricky Bobby I am.
~ I never understood how a parent could lift a car with a child trapped under, until my phone got stuck under my bed.
~ My crazy Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor acts as though no one has ever knocked on their door before. Unannounced. Slathered in jellied petroleum. Poor memory if you ask me.
~ I bet OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) never realized she would have to say “stop licking the door” nearly as often as she does.
~ I made a typo on the grocery list and accidentally brought home a loaf of whole groin bread.
~ My mother always told me that girls are only mean to the boys they like and that I should always expect them to be very nice to me.
~ Not to brag, but I can out-eat the toughest fitness routine you can design.
~ I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
~ OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) woke up wanting me today … which was exciting until she said she woke up wanting peanut butter M&Ms yesterday.
~ Once you start buying the family size bag of potato chips there’s no turning back.
~ I may hire a private investigator to find out what I do all day.
~ Last night OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) told me she had read every post I have on my web site. I felt like I did that time when I was 12 and my Mom found that magazine under the mattress …
~ I’ll never forget my old Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor’s dying words to me, “Are you still holding the ladder?”
~ Look … you can either lower your expectations now or curse the hours you wasted later. Your choice.
~ Spreadsheets sound much sexier than they are.
~ Super Mario Bros made me grow up thinking the life of a plumber was pretty dang exciting.