~ All I’m saying is I may be old, and I may be a duddy, but I’m certainly not fuddy …
~ I unlocked a new fat badge today by buttering some bread at a stoplight …
~ I’ve learned a lot of females immediately put me in the acquaintance zone.
~ OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) watches WAY too much Forensic Files for me to be able to get a good night’s sleep.
~ My latest diet strategy is to only eat at Domestic House of Pancakes.
~ I wish sites that have a bunch of ads saying they don’t have ads on their site, and need donations instead, would just have some ads.
~ I have no idea why OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) gets SO angry when I’m only trying to make her a little angry.
~ Should I be at all concerned that my therapist is speechless by the end of every appointment?
~ My Life Tip: If you don’t try … nobody can accuse you of giving up.
~ It’s not that I’m not fat … I’m just ergonomically symmetrical.
~ I’m a licensed insultant. It says so on my résumé …
~ I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
~ Thank goodness this is whatever the heck day it is.
~ Did you know the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue’ is silent? Now you do.
~ I wish I had the upper body strength to raise hell.
~ It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong …
~ Sometimes I like to pump $20.01 worth of gas so I’m irritated all day long.
~ I say “I know” a lot for someone who really doesn’t have a clue what’s happening most of the time.
~ There needs to be a passenger side horn so OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) can honk at me while I’m driving.
~ So yesterday at the mall, I was the most gangster of all the old guys sitting around the food court waiting for their wives to finish shopping.