jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind


Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind… 5-30-2016

~If you have nothing to say … just don’t.

~ I wake up every morning already excited about going back to sleep that tonight.

~ I think I’d be better looking if I had uglier friends.

~ It’s not a fake smile if I’m secretly plotting to kick your ass in my mind while I’m smiling.

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~ I’m so anti-social, I won’t even meet my potential.

~ I think the middle one is probably my favorite finger of speech.

~ It would be pretty cool that if having a license meant that you actually knew how to drive.

~ OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) is finally starting to accept me for who she wants me to be.

~ Twice this year I bought a $50 ticket to the ballpark to take advantage of $1 hotdog night.

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~ I’m starting to think the other drivers on the road just don’t realize that my agenda is automatically more important than theirs.

~ A diploma is actually just an embossed receipt.

~ The harder you slam the door walking out on an argument … the more likely you have to go back inside for your car keys.

~ At least men and women agree on one thing – they both don’t trust women.

~ Sometimes everyone BUT you sees the train coming.

~ I can’t make up my mind if eating this can of frosting for breakfast is rock bottom or if I’m finally in heaven.

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~ The Flight Attendant asked if I was willing to help people exit the plane in an emergency and I said for some of these folks I wouldn’t even need an emergency.

~ Legally speaking, you can build a house right in the middle of Home Depot for free.

~ Some guy tried to wash my windshield yesterday. At first I ignored him, but after a few miles I finally pulled over and asked him to leave.

~ I’m done with Taco Bell after being diagnosed with Type 2 diarrhea.

~ It’s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing.

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