~ Wal*Mart is basically the above ground pool of stores.
~ Based on their reaction, I must of nailed the nude pole dancing portion of my interview at the volunteer fire department yesterday.
~ Of all my countless and brilliant qualities, I would say my humility is what makes me so much better than other people.
~ I’m live-tweeting this fight and, so far, OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) is winning.
~ Each day is another chance at attaining a brand new low.
~ I hate it when I want a snack and end up pulling up a chair to eat directly out of the refrigerator.
~ I asked my therapist what was wrong with me two weeks ago… and she’s still talking.
~ Everyone needs reassurance. Like me for example … I assure you, I’m an idiot.
~ Some days you give every little thing your best effort. Today is just not one of those days.
~ The Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood is having a meeting tonight about the crazy naked guy and I’m the only one not invited. Weird.
~ I can confirm that men and women may disagree on when advice is helpful. In related news, it is warm enough to sleep outside.
~ All of the time capsules I dug up yesterday had bodies in them.
~ I won’t be impressed with science until I can download a waffle.
~ I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry.
~ I try to keep my chin up because when its down it looks like I have six of them … which makes me sad.
~ Our housekeeping style is best described as, “There appears to have been a struggle.”
~ I like Subway because they make me feel like I’m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
~ WARNING: “There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s” is not a valid defense for Indecent Exposure. I continue to live and learn…
~ I think the only girl I know that hasn’t said, “You’re like a brother to me” is my sister.