jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind

Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind … 3-12-2019

~ If you stop and think about it … gynecologists, proctologists, and dentists help the hole community.

~ I believe in annoyed at first sight.

~ Objects in mirror are more sad than they appear.

~ I can make all your dreams come true … as long as your dream is to be disappointed.

~ Sorry. When I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed, I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.

~ After this morning’s torture session, I think this is how the world will end … not with a bang, but with an elementary school recorder concert.

~ The main thing stopping me from seeing if I could in fact get away with murder, is that if I fail, orange is absolutely NOT my color.

~ While your thoughts may be worth more than a penny, I’m not the one that sets the prices.

~ Sometimes I use big words I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

~ Women who find me attractive are a lot like unicorns … they don’t exist.

~ My life spiraled downhill as soon as it became socially unacceptable for me to sit in the shopping cart while my Mom pushed it.

~ I wish I could lose weight as fast as I lose my patience.

~ I asked OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) what she would do if I were ever kidnapped. She said, “Probably take a quick nap, wait for them to drop you back off, and thenlisten while they apologized.”

~ I’ve done some things I’m not proud of … but they were pretty dang hilarious.