~ I talk a lot of crap for someone who can’t put his drawers on without falling over.
~ I prefer the “let’s wait and see what happens” approach to dealing with my problems.
~ Let me know when you’d like me to make things uncomfortable … that’s my specialty.
~ I think my life is finally headed in the right direction. Ha Ha joke … I’m laying on the floor again.
~ Since OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) thinks I’m not romantic enough, tonight I clipped my toenails by the fire.
~ If you can imagine it, I can screw it up.
~ I remember being younger and doing all the parties … having drinks … all the drinks … all the sex. Now I sit on the couch until it’s no longer too early to go to bed.
~ I can eat Rice Krispy Treats for breakfast, because I’m an adult! But I do it hiding in the bathroom because of OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy).
~ I’m starting to think the frog dissection skills I learned in high school are never going to pay off.
~ I think I would make a really good rich person.
~ Everything is magic when you’re stupid.
~ If you don’t frost the cupcakes, you can call them muffins.
~ The problem with doing stuff is that people will expect you to do it again.
~ I find a lot of things funny … as long as it is happening to somebody else.
~ Have you ever woken up with the message “trust in nachos” written on your forearm?
~ Apparently it’s inappropriate to ask where his shoes are from when you’re in the next stall.
~ Today was THE day! OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) threw my kazoo away.
~ Last year I joined a support group for anti-social people. We haven’t met yet.
~ I wish autocorrect would stop worrying about my typing so much and start worrying more about my driving.
~ I love like there’s no such thing as sexual harassment.