jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind


Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind… 2-1-2016

~ Tony the Tiger is more enthusiastic about cereal than I am about life.

~ At the Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood Association meeting last night, they could not, specifically, find where there was a rule prohibiting a moat around our single-wide. Advantage Mr. Gilmore.

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~ OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) is so sure she’s never wrong that she’s even removed the backspace button from her keyboard.

~ I wish I could reverse my weight and IQ…

~ In Kentucky, not attending a family reunion is considered “birth control.”

~ I’ll never forget my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor’s last words to me. He said, “Are you sure you fastened the bungee cord correctly?”

~ So apparently OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) likes to play jokes on me by putting things away where they actually go.

~ My gang sign is that cramped hand look you get from carrying in a lot of groceries. No one messes with The Grocery Claws!

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~ Please explain to me how people even enjoyed life before elastic waistbands?

~ My Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor’s pharmacist makes house calls, drives a Chevy Impala and isn’t really a pharmacist.

~ The last package on earth that should be difficult to open is Midol.

~ My latest extreme sport is going out on a limb for people who will never catch me.

~ If I was a superhero I’d be Supercomfortable Man. My powers would be sitting on the couch, eating snacks, and minding my own damn business.

~ Why does Wal*Mart even sell exercise equipment?

~ Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as, “The most violent book I have ever read.”

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~ The easiest way to start a argument with OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) is to say something. Or nothing.

~ I just witnessed my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor spray Febreeze down his trousers. I guess the weekend is near…

~ There’s a fine line between planning and plotting. And I never discuss it because then it’s a conspiracy.

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