jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind

Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind … 12-20-2017

~ I don’t understand people who have to “get ready” for bed … I’m always ready for bed.

~ Well, this is embarrassing … it turns out this whole time I’ve been eating baby spinach. Where do you even buy spinach for grown-ups?

~ As a kid I didn’t know what to do in those photo booth thingeys, so from ages 5-10, all I have are mug shots.

~ Most of my household injuries are caused by me saying “whatever” during an argument.

~ It’s hard to believe how many things I didn’t accomplish today.

~ My goal in life is to be as sarcastic as possible without getting punched in the face.

~ My birthstone is Oreos.

~ I hate when I sleep on my arm kind of funny and then I wake up the next morning and I feel all dead inside.

~ My exercise regimen is basically just my heart rate elevating at an alarming level when I step on the scale each morning.

~ I find the most awkward part about parking in a handicapped spot is remembering what leg to drag on the way back.

~ My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.

~ I’m probably not going to stop procrastinating later either.

~ I need coffee to get the energy to get up and get coffee.

~ As a guy, my needs are simple … everything. I literally need everything.

~ Any paper is toilet paper if you’re desperate enough.

~ Turns out it wasn’t vertigo causing my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor to run into things … it was vodka.

~ There is nothing like watching a marathon of “Hoarders” to make me feel like I’ve got my life together.

~ My Life Coach just explained to me that I’ve been in the placebo group.

~ Stereotyping is wrong … unless you want to be right 95% of the time.