jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind


Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind … 11-21-2016

~ It doesn’t matter if I sleep 2 hours or 13 hours, I will still be tired the next day.

~ Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of your fear.

~ Yelling gets you better meds.

~ Triscuits … for those times in life where only salty wicker will do.

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~ Most people think of me as a semicolon … they’re not sure exactly what to do with me.

~ Many find it hard to believe my neck holds up all this genius.

~ I hate people who, as soon as you tell them your plans, try talking you out of them. Yes, Chipotle lady, I KNOW the guac costs extra. Geez.

~ Brunch is the most successful merger in the entire history of white people.

~ If I have to choose between anything and debauchery, I’ll always choose debauchery.

~ I’ll bet the gal with hairy armpits and shaved eyebrows in front of me in the Wal*Mart checkout has quite the story …

~ When you’ve been married as long as I have, “gettin’ frisky” just means picking up some more cat food.

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~ Vaping is for sissies. If I were a smoker, I’d smoke my cigarettes like a man … in the garage, hiding from OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy).

~Hell hath no fury like a woman who didn’t realize her coupons expired.

~ My bank statement is just a record of everything I’ve eaten for the last month.

~ It’s not that I’m not ignoring you … I merely got distracted by absolutely everything else in the entire world.

~ Our house has a panic room. It’s whatever room OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) is in when I bring in my auction “treasures.”

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~ I’ve made some desperate searches for obscure subject matter to post about, so I’m starting to feel some empathy for whoever wrote “Muskrat Love.”

~ My girlfriend from 2nd grade just liked one of my photos on FaceBook, so yeah, I’d say she never got over me.

~ Don’t judge me based on my appearance … I’m way worse on the inside.

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