jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind


Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind… 11-18-2015

~ I used to wonder how anybody could possibly drop a cell phone in the toilet. The key words here are “used to.”

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~ My posts are not intended for people with liver disease or women who are nursing, are pregnant, or may become pregnant. If you read a post for more than 4 hours, please consult a doctor.

~ I am at my most dangerous when I almost know what I am doing.

~ If OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) doesn’t stop talking to me soon, I’m going to have to take my ear-buds out and find out what she wants…

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~ My favorite extreme sport is going overboard.

~ I remember a decade ago thinking: It’s Sunday morning,.. I wish I could show everyone I’m drinking coffee. Thank you Social Media.

~ I nailed a picture of a lost tree to my neighbor’s cat and now they hate me.

~ My IQ test came back negative.

~ I like to wear a Grocery Store uniform and tell homeless people that I’m there to repo the shopping cart.

~ Did anyone lose this wallet that doesn’t have $86 in it?

Hands showing an empty wallet

Hands showing an empty wallet

~ I could tell by the look on the lady’s face in the stall next to me that it wasn’t the right time to play Peek-a-Boo.

~ A cheery disposition early in the morning can be detrimental to your health.

~ You call it laziness… I call it injury prevention.

~ This chamomile tea tastes a lot like hand me a Jack and Coke.

~ Yesterday I consumed all my calories for the day before lunch so I had no choice but to go back to bed and sleep for the next 18 hours.

~ I can tell everything I need to know about a person by how fast their windshield wipers are going in a light rain.

~ I’d say 72% of my daily cardio is just me stirring my coffee…

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~ I’m at my intellectual low when I realize I just learned some crap on Sesame Street.

~ It’s only harassment if someone complains.

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