jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind


Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind … 10-30-2016

~ If you shove a Tic Tac up each nostril, it doesn’t matter how horrible anyone else’s breath is.

~ I’m the kind of man that gives men a bad name. It’s a tough job, but at least I’m good at something.

~ I bet the best part of living in a double-wide is how easy it is to take half when you get divorced.

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~ My latest worry is trying to remember to work on only having one chin in photos.

~ It would take a Proctologist and a small team of midgets to remove the wedgie I saw at Wal*Mart today.

~ I have just over 16.6K tweets, so I’ve decided to turn all the good ones into fridge magnets. Be sure to collect all 3.

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~ It would be ok if all of you stopped making that weird face in all of your selfies.

~ When I hear someone say, “chicken pot pie,” I get excited three times.

~ Remember before we met? I bet you miss that about me.

~My FitBit app is covered with dust.

~ Trying to clap in between push-ups was a great way to learn how to break my nose.

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~ Growing up, I thought our neighbor was a writer, but it turns out that his name was just “Arthur.”

~ When two vehicles approach a 4-way stop at the same time, the vehicle on the right has the right of way … unless the vehicle on the left is me.

~ I’ve set up a GoFundMe account for my next bail need. Planning ahead …

~ Some folks need to check their eyebrow to whole face ratio.

~ You can tell just by looking at some people that they reuse their tinfoil. #TrailerHoodLife

~ I just realized I’ve had my life on backwards this whole time.

~ There are 7 billion people in the world. And about 6 like me. Kinda …

~ Buying the really good toilet paper instead of the mediocre toilet paper is about the fanciest thing I’ve ever done.

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