jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind

Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind … 10-10-2017

~ I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve never finished lower than second place in every fight I’ve ever been in.

~ “Because you’re worth it,” I whisper to myself as I pour my third glass of Jack.


~ A really good beauty tip you don’t hear very often is, “Don’t be a bitch.”

~ People said memorizing all the Beastie Boys’ lyrics was pointless, but I must admit, everyone at my competency hearing seemed impressed.

~ I have just enough motivation to procrastinate.

~ I always try to come out of the gate terribly disappointing and so I can keep expectations on a manageable level.

~ Just because I’m not fit to judge you doesn’t mean that I won’t.

~ Yesterday, OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) tried imitating the weird groaning sound her car was making … and two of the auto mechanics asked her out.


~ People keep telling me “Don’t be stupid” … like I have some kinda say in the matter.

~ A friend of mine is in a running club. Like … he runs for fun. I’m seriously reevaluating our friendship since we obviously have nothing in common.

~ What makes a “Jay bird” more naked than other birds?

~ It’s not stalking. It’s me getting to know you … like a pro.

~ I’m at my most British in the summer when people have to wear sunglasses to reflect the bright glare of my pasty white skin.

~ I’m pretty sure the guy doing eye exams at the The Wal*Marts Vision Center is the same guy that rotated my tires there last week.

Male oculist holding eye chart and glasses

Male oculist holding eye chart and glasses

~ I’ve done things for powdered donuts that I’m ashamed of.

~ I pride myself on rarely knowing what the hell is going on.

~ Every day is just a 24-hour reminder of how I screwed things up.

~ Pound for pound I was the best fighter in the Yankee Candle shop today.

~ I never let someone who didn’t finish high school tell me that I have to pay for extra dipping sauce.