jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind


Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind … 1-2-2017

~ I stock Dollar Store toilet paper in the guest bathroom so they won’t stay long.

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~ The Wal*Marts is a physical manifestation of the “Comments Section.”

~ My favorite “Serving Size” ~ The Amount I Can Eat Without Vomiting …

~ If I smile back at you, guaranteed something smart is about to come outta my mouth.

~ This morning, I lay in bed for twenty minutes with a nagging, screaming headache before she got up, got dressed and went to work.

~ In an ironic twist, OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) doesn’t think I’m funny either.

~ A lot of my confidence comes from being delusional.

~ I have the self-confidence of a much better-looking man.

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~ Soooo … I guess it’s considered rude to dry heave when someone shows you their new baby?

~ I’m starting to think a celebrity isn’t going to adopt me.

~ I kinda feel like everyone shakes their head a little too much when they see me coming.

~ How long do I have to lay on my couch in the same position before I can call it yoga?

~ Sometimes there’s room for improvement, and sometimes there’s only enough space for alcohol.

~ When I die, I want my tombstone to have free WiFi, so people visit

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~ When I treated others the way I wanted to be treated, I had to take sexual harassment training.

~ I think it’s weird the way my liver and my dignity never seem to work at the same time.

~ Whew!! I thought I was paralyzed but it turns out I’m just lazy.

~ Not everyone was Kung Fu fighting … some of us were trying to break it up.

~ I don’t even care if it’s a scam … just the thought that a Nigerian prince took the time to write me a personal note has really made my day.

~ With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.

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