~ Do people who say, “Exercise helps me relax” know about not exercising?
~ At my old job I had an additional duty working as a translator. I specialized in English to Idiot.
~ Everyone hates their job until someone brings cupcakes in.
~ Its 8:30am and I’m already studying the lunch menu like I’m cramming for a final.
~ I wonder how thin I’d be if I had to pedal to keep the computer powered up.
~ I’ve been eating artisan bread for a month and I still can’t draw any better. This is false advertising!
~ Damnit!! My can of whoop ass is past its expiration date.
~ So I’m thinking I may have to move… I’m sick of this commute to my refrigerator.
~ People that ask questions on social media sites… have you ever heard of Google?
~ That one terrifying moment when you think to yourself, “I sure hope this flushes…”
~ So OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) gave me a “Do Not Resuscitate” t-shirt for my birthday. Just in case.
~ If by meditate you mean brood, then yes, I meditate.
~ You know that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce them… and apologize for after? That’s me.
~ My bank balance is a constant reminder that I’m safe from identity theft…
~ Somewhere between I should know better and glad I did it… that’s where I live.
~ If don’t have the energy to walk a mile in my shoes, just go ahead and judge me.
~ OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) is always correct-even when she’s wrong because I should’ve never brought it to her attention in the first place.
~ I went to the gym today. HA! Just kidding… I went out in the back yard and yelled at birds.
~ Don’t you dare think for one second that you are smarter than me. Think it ALL the time… because I’m an idiot.
~ My Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor nursed a hangover for 3 days and ended up getting RN Degree from ITT Tech in the mail.