jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind

Weight Loss Program … 1-9-2017

As most of you know, I’ve been a touch over-weight for several years. I’ve tried, half-heartedly, to loose a few pounds here and there, but with little effect. That is … until I recently saw an ad on-line for “guaranteed weight loss” results.

I was intrigued …

I called the company and ordered their intro 5-day, 5-lbs weight loss program.

And bright and early the next day, there was a knock on our door and there stood before me a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and wearing a sign around her neck.

She introduced herself as a representative of the weight loss company. And her sign? Well it read, “If you can catch me, you can have me.”

Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later puffing and huffing, I finally had to give up. The same girl showed up for the next four days and the same thing happened. On the fifth day, I weighed myself and was delighted to find I had, indeed, lost 5-lbs … just as promised.

So I called the company and ordered their 5-day/10-lbs program. And again the next morning, bight and early, there was a knock at the door and there stood the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I had ever seen in my life. And she was wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that read, “If you can catch me, you can have me”.

Well, I was out the door after her like a shot.

Now this girl was also in excellent shape and though I tried my best, there was no such luck. And for the next four days, the same routine happened with me gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weighed myself, I discovered that I has lost another 10-lbs … again just as promised.

So I decided to go for broke and called the company to order the 5-day/25-lbs program.

“Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone. “This is our most rigorous program.” “Absolutely,” I replied, “I haven’t felt this good in years.”

Well the next day, again, bright and early, there was a knock at the front door. I eagerly ran to open it only to find a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that read, “If I catch you, you are mine.”

I lost 33-lbs that week …