jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind

Some Things Are Best Left For Others

I would NEVER think of stopping by the local hospital and conducting surgery. And I can’t see me heading out to the Hickville Holler International Airport and Crop Dusting headquarters and getting in a plane and taking off. Some things are just better left for others. But that doesn’t stop me from attempting something ever now and then.

I sometimes think that I have abilities of a Super Hero. And I am very quickly slapped back into reality. One such episode occurred recently, just prior to Christmas, as it does EVERY year. And you would think I would learn sooner or later. But, alas… I don’t.

What monumental task do I endeavor to attempt ever year? When it comes to me, what task should I always leave to others? OK… OK… we don’t have enough time for you to run through the ENTIRE list, so I’ll just tell ya.

Gift wrapping.

I’m not cut out for it… pun not intended.

And it’s not that I don’t try. I do. I’ve tried for years. And it never gets any better.

I always make sure I have all the right materials before I start. In fact, my list normally ends up sounding like the 12 perverted days of Christmas. Three pairs of scissors… eight rolls of scotch tape… six rolls of gift wrap (giant size)… two bottles of Jack (again… giant size)… four rolls of duct tape… a brick (intended to keep the paper from rolling, but normally used for hitting myself up side the head)… and a helper (which this year was the cat).

I can save us a wee bit of time at this point and just jump to the end and let you know that all that was left was one pair of scissors. The other two are in the wall. No scotch tape. No gift wrap. No Jack. No duct tape. And the brick is back in the yard… where I should of left the damn thing in the first place.

Oh… and the cat. I think the cat was still here. I could hear her meowing. And the gift was moving…

And that’s MY take.