jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind

Mr. Barnum was Right

I get mad at myself sometimes. Well… actually… a lot. I can’t believe that I can continually come up with stuff to write about, but miss the BIG picture. Other people are out there stealing ideas I haven’t thought of. Yet. If they would just wait and give me time, I would come up with the next better mouse trap and be rich. And that isn’t fair. At least not to me. And the sad part about all of this is… it all makes PERFECT sense in my mind.

I came across an item that I would have eventually thought of had I been given more time. Why? Because it’s crazy. And it’s SO crazy, people are hearing it and saying… “Well ok. Here’s my money.”

We have a dog. (Work with me here… I’m going to tie all this together. I hope…). And our dog has a cat. Now… WE do not have a dog and cat. Just a dog. Because the cat belongs to the dog. And he knows this.

Back when no one was home during the day, the dog was always depressed. You could tell. All he did was mope around. Just laid there. So then a cat was introduced and his demeanor changed completely. And they play all the time. It was a great fix.

So we have a dog and there is a cat here as well. Now the question comes to mind, what happens to our pets during the Rapture? Are we going to leave Fluffy and Boo-Boo behind to fend for themselves? That could cause some anxiety. I’ve tried to show them how to use the can opener, but it’s tough with no thumbs.

I was going to stock up on dry food and bottled water. I thought maybe I could get it all open for them before I go. But the Bible is pretty clear that I’ll be gone in the blink of an eye. And so that would be kind of tough opening that many bags of food that quick. And this dog would eat it all by next week anyway.

So what to do… what to do? Ahhh… enter a modern day entrepreneur. Eternal Earth-Bound Pets will, for a fee of course, come and take possession of Fluffy and Boo-Boo after your departure.

For $110.00 they will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends.

They are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Their network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

Folks… I like to spin a good tale every now and then, but I couldn’t make this up. It just makes me mad that they didn’t give me time to think this up myself. You can check this out on the web. They claim to already have over 100 paying customers. $110.00 X 100 customers = $$$ I could be spending if I would get busy and think this stuff up.

As P.T. Barnum said… “There’s a sucker born every minute.”