jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind

In Case You Missed It… 7-8-2013

* I’m thinking of converting to Canadaism. It seems to have worked well for my brother.

* Most obituaries would be much more interesting if they told how the person died.

* There is a great need for a Sarcasm Font.

* Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize… you’re wrong.

* Teach a foreigner to fish and he’ll eat every day. Teach an American to fish and he’ll give up and go to McDonalds.

* You think YOU’RE poor?? The Hamburglar steals food from McDonalds.

* Saw some kids playing in their driveway with a plunger if you’re wondering just how far hick I live.

* Signs that OWN’s (‘Ol Weird Nancy’s) cooking is slowly improving: 1. We haven’t met any new firemen in the past week…

* People wonder why I have a Sam’s Club membership if I never buy anything. Small price to pay for a snack buffet annual pass.

* Another ThOmism: Dryer lint is the cremated remains of all socks. Now you know…

* FaceBook game requests are the Jehovah’s Witnesses of the Internet.

* Of all the lies I’ve told in my life, “Just Kidding” is my favorite…

* I just picked a pretzel off the floor. And ate it. Right in front of OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy). She didn’t even blink. Apparently she already knows I’m a catch…

* Now really… how much more fun would breast implants be if they had squeaky toys inside them?

* Weiner AND Spitzer are planning comebacks in NY… this has nowhere to go but UP!!

* I’m not a runner so IF you see me running, you better run, too, cause something is chasing me.