jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind

In Case You Missed It… 6-17-2013

* I still giggle like a 10 year old when someone mentions a dangling participle…

* I hate when some dumb noodleloaf walks away when I’m trying to apologize!

* I don’t like to pick sides, but when I do, I pick the person who knows the most “stuff” about me.

* Why don’t they just put the Pepto directly into the Mexican food?

* OWN’s (‘Ol Weird Nancy’s) cooking is so fabulous, even the smoke alarm cheers her on!

* I’d take a bullet for you. One of those rubber ones, but still…

* If I worked at a book store I would refuse to show anyone where the Self Help section is.

* Can I Google how to use a search engine?

* I saved my former boss’ life insurance company $1M by switching to Xanax…

* OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) couldn’t find the Raid to kill a spider so she used hairspray. It didn’t kill it, but it now has an awesome hairstyle.

* Father’s Day is also known as Confusion Day in the trailerhood…

* OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) says Twitter reminds her of marriage… she isn’t a fan.

* You have to show ID to walk into any courthouse in America, but the Supreme Court says you can vote in Arizona without showing one. What a bunch of idiots.

* Those who walk with God always reach their destination.

* Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute…

* I used to follow my dreams, but then they got restraining orders.

* When I hit rock bottom… I always look for free WiFi.

*Sometimes, when I kiss someone on the cheek, I use tongue.

* Once every year I allow myself a “cheat year” on my diet…

* Monday… so far so terrible.

*A lot of girls from my high school have no idea how lucky they are that I’m the one that got away…

*I think my standards are about as high as my IQ…

* When you know better… you do better. Maya Angelou

* Why can’t dieting be as easy as eating?