* You haven’t truly made it as a Gospel Music Driver until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
* So our government can’t track illegal immigrants or expired visas, but they know exactly who I called last Thursday at 3;07pm?
* There is no such thing as an inappropriate joke. That’s why its a joke.
* Who ever came out with the phrase “The freaks come out at night” has obviously never been to Wal*Mart during the day…
* This man may as well be wearing a squirrel on his head as well as that toupe is foolin’ folks…
* Someone help me out here… just HOW thick does a woman’s moustache need to get before she shaves it?
* I just saw a lady whose mole is having a bad hair day….
* After eating at The Amish Door restaurant in Wilmot, OH today, there is no doubt in my mind how the turkey feels on Thanksgiving now…
* I love you – said too much by people who don’t really mean it and not said enough by people who do.
* Since I have a Verizon phone, I now throw random things into my conversations… “The chicken likes crackers.” And I use “Al Qaeda” a lot.
* The expert in anything was once a beginner…
* Sometimes the greatest song is not a greatest hit. @JimDBrady
* Sooooo… I just received a call from the NSA telling me to stop calling my neighbor to ask if their refrigerator is running. #scary
* Some things are better left unsaid… but that NEVER stops me.
* My definition of “Team Effort?” A lot of people doing what I say.
* I’m not lazy… I’m just VERY physically conservative.