* Today has been brought to you by; “What just happened?” “Are you serious?!” and “You have got to be joking.” Oh… and the letter J.
* Weekend plans: 1. Breed a giraffe with an alpaca. 2. Create and army of “Giracas.” 3. World Domination. 4. Laundry.
* I think I need an intern.
* Here in Hickville Holler (Pop 2), Whole Foods is just a tree with a couple of squirrels in it.
* Kleptomaniac Superman is the Man of Steal.
*If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong…
* I’m typing this status message slow because I know some of you can’t read too fast.
* Did you know Jesus drove a Honda back in Bible days? Yep. “For I speak not of my own accord…” John 12:49a
* So I had a wet dream about my old boss last night… I was drowning her in a lake.
* I’ve sent 5,377 Tweets… and still haven’t said a thing.
* Archeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.
* People who spread their germs make me sick.
* I saw a horse drawn carriage today and, surprisingly, horses are good artists.
* Never, ever, ever, ever, ever…EVER… test OWN’s (‘Ol Weird Nancy’s) memory.
* My old boss’ favorite line: “I never said it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.”
* Do NOT play dumb with me… that’s a game you can’t win.