jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind

In Case You Missed It… 10-22-2013

– In order to afford this new ObamaCare Insurance, OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) is gonna have to quit workin’ and have more young’uns…

– If you’re ever at death’s door, pretend to be a Jehovah’s Witness so he’ll never answer.

– I know there is a reason we met, and I just like the fact that you can’t figure out if I’m a lesson or a blessing…

– I wish I loved anything as much as kids love water at bedtime.

– Don’t ever stop saying “I love you” to those closest to you…powerful encouraging words that breathe life, security & hope into each of us. ~ Dusty Wells

– Why wait until tomorrow? Procrastinate today.

– Sometimes I use a lowercase “L” instead of an uppercase “i” when I type, and no one even knows. I AM a rebel…

– If your city’s mascot is a chalk outline you may want to reconsider your living situation. Chicago?? HellOOOOO??

– You would THINK after not getting an answer after the FIFTH call that maybe… just maybe… I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT BUYING A CAR!

– If you’re the only one on the dance floor and there is no dance floor, chances are you’re an alcoholic.

– “How do you think you would like it if the tables were turned?” ~ Interior Decorator dilemmas

– So we’re into week three of “Non-Essential Workers” being furloughed. At what point do we realize that maybe we don’t need ’em?

– I’m glad Wal*Mart has their Christmas decorations out… now our trailer doesn’t look so out of place.

– The whole “Magic of Macy’s” is NOT the best magic show I’ve seen. All that disappeared was my cash…

– I just untangled my earbuds and the University of Phoenix sent me an engineering degree.

– My follower count has now surpassed my credit score…

– I learn most of my best dance moves from watching Maury tell the black guy he’s not the baby’s daddy

– Can I text LOL to a deaf person?

– When I’m bored on a plane, I pull a random machine part out of my pocket and ask the person next to me “Do you know where this came from?”

– Don’t ever stop being who you are… just do it away from me.

– Ever been in the middle of writing a great tweet and think, did I just run someone over?

– I don’t see the logic in your plan, so absoFLIPPINlutely, let’s do this!

– I am a misdemeanor waiting to happen.

– OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) isn’t the greatest at remembering what she sees on The Food Network. This morning she served boiled toast…

– So the Top Dog at the White House is to admit today that the ObamaCare rollout has been a train wreck. THERE’S breaking news…

– OMG… this hotel has some of the thickest towels I have ever seen. It was all I could do to get my suitcase to zip closed.

– OK… whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonald’s… not funny. Grow up.

– So I was looking through some old photos recently. I really miss the days when I could wear a cowboy hat, Mom’s high heels, and no pants an no one called the cops.

– I’ve been working on my winter body over the summer and I think I might actually fit into those sweatpants this year…

– Soooo… the hotel has a heated, in-door pool. But they also have this crazy rule concerning swim suits. He said it was “just a warning… this time.” So I guess it’s just me and HBO…

– So coming out of Dollywood headed to the hotel and ended up on Upper Middle Class Drive. I knew immediately I was on the wrong street, because I belong on Lower Trailer Trash Trail.

– The Only thing better than receiving praise is deserving it. ~ JD Sumner

– I caught OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) trying to connect her new wireless bra to our router so she could get her boobs on the internet. This… THIS… is why I stay on the road.

– Tuesday when I get home is gonna be Super Lazy Day… which is like Regular Lazy Day except I’ll wear a cape.

– Just keep it up and you’ll be remembered as the strange smell in the trunk.

– You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?!? And all this time I thought it was a reward for beating all the other drivers…

– I’m the best available… in my price range.

– OWN’s (‘Ol Weird Nancy’s) safe word is “don’t.”

– The sooner people realize I’m not responsible for my actions the easier it will be for all involved.

– Good luck to the 13 year old girl who is pregnant and wrote “California” for ethnicity on her clinic forms.

– Probably the nicest thing I can do for anyone is to just leave them alone.

– Forget dieting… my new favorite fashion item is elastic waist pants. WOO HOO!!

– Remember… the more focus that is on the debt ceiling and shutdown is less that is on the Benghazi coverup. It’s only smoke and mirrors, so don’t be fooled…