jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind

Count Me In

So I’m thinking the amount of loose rocks in and around Hicksville has been reduced by a few. And the reason I think that is because the US Department of Commerce has hired some of them (me included) to help with the 2010 census.

OMG!! Where do you find these people?? Well… besides here in Hickville I mean. I thought the training was bad. It wasn’t. It was listening to some of the questions these folks come up with.

OK… the rules are clear. We DO NOT work overtime. It isn’t allowed. Forty hours is it. If you work more than 40 hours, men in black suits will come to your house in the middle of the night, snatch you, take you to an undisclosed location, and pull your toe nails out. No… REALLY. They are serious about no overtime.

Uhhhh… so what if I have 39 hours and 55 minutes in for the week and I’m at a house and the owner is cutting a tree and he drops the chainsaw and it cuts my leg off. Should I go to the ER then or wait until the next pay cycle so I don’t get overtime?

What? How much clearer can I make this? No overtime. Period. Tie a tourniquet around your leg and wait until the next pay period to get treated. You still have another leg.

OK… we’re going to meet at a central location each day so you can turn in your pay forms and discuss any problems you have had. McDonald’s is pretty central and easy to get to for everyone.

Uhhhh… so I don’t like McDonald’s. Can we meet at Hardees instead? What if I didn’t work the previous day and don’t have a pay form… do I still have to show up? I have a doctor’s appointment on Monday in Topeka and won’t be back in time to meet you. Will I still get paid?

OK… on these forms, you need to use a #2 pencil which we have provided and you MUST write in block letters. This is extremely important. These forms are fed through an optical reader, so block letters are very important. Also, please ensure you do not fold the forms anywhere EXCEPT on the creases which are already there. Again… these forms will be sent through an optical reader and additional creases will cause the form to reject.

Uhhh… so what if I’m out working and it starts to rain and the bottom falls out and all my forms get soaked so bad you can’t read them?

If it appears it’s going to rain, please take some precautions to ensure the items we have provided remain dry. We have given you a zippered shoulder bag to keep your supplies in. Please ensure you use it.

Uhhh… so what if it’s sunny when I start but the storm sneaks up on me? And I go back to my car to keep my supplies dry, but I accidentally work over 40 hours because I was trying to keep stuff dry while doing a good job?

Then you can kiss your toenails good-bye!

And that’s MY take.