jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind


We have several contraptions around the house. Most, at some point in their lives, were used for their intended purpose. I’m almost sure of that. I can’t say that for the majority of them now.

I think I collect some of them to truly use them as they were intended… and then I find a better use after I get them home. I have one that has these two gripper things that you hold on to. And you’re supposed to sit on it, hold on to those gripper things to keep from following off, and work your feet round and round and round in circles. But I found a better use for that old exercise bike. It makes a great place to hang your clothes.

One of my FAVORITES is a collapsible dog torture device. Our poor dog, Bernie, is scared to death of it. Any time you open the door where it’s stored, his head pops up, those ears perk up, and he pays attention. Close attention.

If he hears you rattling the torture device around, you can see the hair on the back of his neck rise. And if you start to drag it out… he lets you know he wants no part of it. He barks. And barks. And barks some more. Not just little quiet yelps, either. He’s letting you know that he doesn’t like that torture device.

And the entire time it’s out, he’s barking at it. Running around it. He wants to make sure… DANG sure… it gets put back from wherever it came. Because he doesn’t like it. Not one bit.

I’ve tried to tell Nancy that if it were brought out more often, he might eventually get used to it. Kind of make peace with it. They may never be best friends or anything… I doubt he’d introduce it to the French Poodle down the street… but they might learn to tolerate each other. And it might create a more harmonic atmosphere in the home.

But then I decided it’s more fun to just drag it out every now and then just to watch his reaction. And I know how he feels. I’m not overly fond of the ironing board myself.

And don’t EVEN get me started on the vacuum cleaner.