~ The only thing us fat guys hate is skinny people who say they’re fat … and Dairy Queens that close for the season. We hate that, too. ~ I didn’t mean to stare, but I sure thought her check butt light was on. ~ I was nominated for an Oscar for my moving rendition […]
Category: From Blogger
~ Tony the Tiger is more enthusiastic about cereal than I am about life. ~ At the Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood Association meeting last night, they could not, specifically, find where there was a rule prohibiting a moat around our single-wide. Advantage Mr. Gilmore. ~ OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) is so sure she’s never […]
~ Have you ever just looked at someone and knew exactly how many hours a week they shop at Wal*Mart? ~ Not caring is so much harder than it sounds. ~ You say wandering around aimlessly like it’s a bad thing. ~ If I die at Wal*Mart… please drag my body to Target before calling […]
~ You don’t really know someone until you’ve seen how they run. ~ We put a man on the moon 45 years ago, but we can’t figure out how to make diet soda not taste like butt? ~ I once got dehydrated just thinking about getting out of bed. ~ All I want is to […]
~ Do people who say, “Exercise helps me relax” know about not exercising? ~ At my old job I had an additional duty working as a translator. I specialized in English to Idiot. ~ Everyone hates their job until someone brings cupcakes in. ~ Its 8:30am and I’m already studying the lunch menu like I’m […]
My friend Karen passed recently. I was stunned. I always see everyone of “my” age as kids. I remember them as I met them … school age. So when one of us passes, it is a shock. But Karen’s passing was more than that. It was a true loss. We met in 1974 as we […]
~ I don’t think these women today realize how handsome my mom used to say I was… ~ I always hate it when I’m on the treadmill and accidentally hit the stop button and go to a nearby restaurant and eat a burrito… ~ Man, I am fat. I need to stop enjoying life. ~ […]
~ Winning a fight with OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) is like winning a vacation to Detroit… I don’t get too excited. ~ The fastest land animal is a guy that sees a woman about to go through his phone. ~ I think there needs to be something that’s more than coffee but less than cocaine. […]
So off we went to Ireland, just OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) and I. We got on a plane in Nashville, TN on Saturday … stopped in Washington DC just long enough to change planes … and we were off to Dublin arriving the next morning. Tired. Picked up a rental car and were off to […]
~ At my old job, I’d fill an empty mayo jar with vanilla pudding and eat it at my desk all day. ~ I put my skinny jeans on like everyone else… with a spatula, Vaseline and a shoehorn. ~ I’m not sure how many days I can survive on Cheerios before being forced to […]