jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind

Bring On Hoarders

How do you acquire some things? Not everything. Just some things. I mean… do you ever go through your house and like… “What’s this? Where did I get that? I KNOW I didn’t buy this.”

So I’ve had some time on my hands lately. And if you know me… that’s dangerous. But with some of the extra time, I’ve been going through the house trying to get rid of stuff. What has led to this? Funny you would ask. A&E network has a show called Hoarders.

Years ago, people used to have nightmares that when they open a knock at their door, Mike Wallace was standing there with a film crew from 60 Minutes. They had been “found out.” Their dirty little secret was known. But actually, Mike Wallace was at the wrong address. He was looking for the cross-dressing banker next door.

But anyway… MY new nightmare is that Hoarders is going to show up at my door and see how we live. I collect stuff. I know it. It’s tough to get rid of some stuff. YOU know it. Do I need everything I have? No. But I can normally give you a good reason of why I have it. I post some pictures of my Tonka Truck collection on FaceBook. Do I need them? (And trust me… OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) asks me that every time she finds them). So we won’t go there.

And I have a GREAT set of living room tables. Two end tables and a coffee table. Nice beveled glass panes. We bought them in Germany in 1988. We don’t use them. But can I part with them? NO. Not with Melinda’s teething marks on one end. So they are tucked away waiting on the Hoarders film crew.

But those things… toys, furniture,… you know you bought them. What about the other stuff? What about… the cello?

Now… it’s a nice cello, don’t get me wrong. Actually, it’s a great cello. It’s probably the best cello, but I don’t really know much about cellos. Also the neck snapped off. Of the cello. So it’s really more like 3/4’s of a cello, but the other 1/4’s still there, it’s just not attached. It’s kind of like you’re getting two cellos, only one of them doesn’t have a body and the other doesn’t have a neck. But if you stand them up next to each other, it’s like old times. You could probably fix it with like some music glue or something like that.

There is also a cello bag that I could give to you too, now that I won’t have a cello. It’s a really nice cello bag. You can fit everything in it. Actually, there might even be a bow in the bag, I’m not sure. I don’t want you to think, 100%, that there’s a bow in the bag. Its way over there, I can’t check right now. But if it’s in there it’s yours.

If you’re like me and you don’t know how to play the cello then you could use it as a coin bank. It’s hollow and there are two S’s on the front that you could drop the coins through. Then when it’s filled up you could drop it off of your roof or carry it around like a change purse. Ooh, in the cello bag. It’d be like a cello purse. I’d do it, but I’m downsizing my cello collection. What else could you do with it? You could saw the front off and use it as a sled. Or give the neck to a baby as like a wizard stick for Christmas. Totally give this cello to someone for Christmas. Or Hanukkah.

Please come get it. I’d actually go somewhere to meet you if wherever we’re going is a cool place. But the coast of Somalia is out.

I’m 90% certain the bow’s in there.

And that’s MY take.