jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind


Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind … 8-24-2019

~ OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) has a really short commute to work each morning. I’m not sure exactly how many miles it is; I just know she barely has time to finish her beer.

~ It’s been over 40 years and we still have to push the microwave oven buttons so hard … is ANYONE even working on this?

~ It’s not a train wreck until I’VE tried to fix it.

~ When there is a mile long line of cars stopped ahead of me on the highway, I honk at the guy in front of me. You never know … it might help.

~ Found out today you cannot join a gym “just to watch.”

~ The waitress at the restaurant last night proactively gave OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) about 50 napkins. Funny thing is … I didn’t even realize we had been there before.

~ Hand sanitizer bought at the dollar store only kills like 50% of germs, tops.

~ “What? I’m not like that. I would never do that.” Says me … while being like that and totally, in all the ways, doing that.

~ There is no such thing as “extra cheese” … no matter how much more cheese you add, that becomes the correct amount.

~ I was actually amazed that nobody at The Wal*Marts wanted to pillow fight yesterday.

~ My Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor’s 4yo daughter accidently “sharted” yesterday. However, being unfamiliar with that term, she stated that “toot-pooped” … so that’s now the official name for it.

~ When OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) says, “Clean up that jelly you spilled on the carpet,” you don’t just rub it in with your foot. I know that now.

~ Selective hearing is my new hobby.

~ At breakfast, after telling me I forgot the French Toast, OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) was not amused when I raised my coffee cup and said, “VIVE LA FRANCE!”

~ I’ve broken out in obesity all over my body.

Obese man’s waist

~ When people don’t think I’m funny they’re always wrong.

~ Life is too short to let someone else decide how I waste it.

~ If someone tells me “no rush” … then I’m basically never doing it.

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