~ I had a buddy with two girls and, while trying for a son, learned they were having twin girls instead. If you want to scare people to Jesus, just lead with that.
~ I think its safe to say that you aren’t in a high-class strip club when the overpowering scent is mothballs.
~ My latest fitness craze is carrying all the grocery bags in one trip.
~ When a kid asks me how old I am, I tell them “Encyclopedia Britannica” used to be my search engine.
~ Thanks to the wasp nest under the rose bush I was watering this morning, I’m now a front runner for the next season of “So You Think You Can Dance.”
~ I hate when a girl thinks I’m checking her out but I’m actually looking at her cheeseburger.
~ I watched my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor’s daughter trying to apply lipstick using crayons and realized they will be saving a ton on college tuition.
~ My Zumba class people think I don’t take the gym “seriously” just because I bring a cooler and a pizza with me.
~ Just a tid-bit of info: Krispy Kreme does not open at 3:00am, even with a Toyota keyless entry remote and singing.
~ As an adult, I am merely a middleman to my employer and my bill collectors.
~ All I need on this adventure I call life is a positive attitude, a smile on my face, a twinkle in my eye, a machete, some lime and a body bag.
~ Beauty is in the eye of the beholder… buuuuut so is ugly, too.
~ Too many people… not enough voodoo dolls
~ Whoever said that you are your own worst critic was obviously never married to OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy).
~ Adulthood: a never-ending story of junk you have to do.
~ Sometimes being part of the problem is reward itself.
~ 53 years and I’m still waiting for my first “Hallmark Moment.”
~ The TSA guy at the airport wasn’t amused when I moaned during the pat down.