~ We no longer worry about stock market volatility because we have all of our money tied up in being spent the second we get it.
~ A grown man at The Wal*Marts used the term ‘fiddlesticks’ today and his penis just dropped out of his pants leg, right there on the floor.
~ I started a new Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood support group for people with multiple personality disorders. It took me 6 hours just to check us all in.
~ Unibrows. Orrrrrrr … forehead mustaches.
~ What do I do for fun? Well … I like pajama pants and staying home.
~ OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) establishes dominance in the house by chest bumping her way to the Keurig.
~ I’m even fatter now than the last time I was fat.
~ I try to be a good friend, but if we play Uno I will Draw 4 you in a heartbeat … just so you know what you’re getting into.
~ Our Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor has decided the time is right to tell his Cabbage Patch Kid she’s adopted.
~ Nothing tells your age more than what makes you dance.
~ OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) told me she caught a cold from me that I faked.
~ Not to brag, but I was the only one in the elevator with an air horn today.
~ You know what I’d like to see? I’d really like to see John Hancock sign his name on a credit card machine with his finger. THAT’S what I’d like to see.
~ I find it VERY odd that the only two times you hear yourself “pronounced” something, you’re either “dead” or “husband and wife.”
~ It’s amazing how drunk you can be at a laundromat before it becomes a problem.
~ I just wish I could slide across the hood of my car like the old lady in front of The Wal*Marts did yesterday.
~ There’s not a thing in the world wrong with my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor’s son playing with his sister’s dolls … except for me posting about it, apparently.
~ If they made the Operation game with my body it would be twice the size and wouldn’t have a heart.