jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind


Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind… 4-18-2016

~ I haven’t achieved much financially. Big deal. The important thing is: I’m not happy either.

~ Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have pictured myself eating Cheetos out of a bedpan while watching a WW2 documentary like I am right now.

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~ I just tried to put my plate in the washing machine. In case you’re looking for a life coach.

~ Our kitchen is basically just a banana graveyard.

~ I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.

~ A skinny friend told me she’s never hungry and just “forgets to eat,” so I drove her out to the woods and left her for dead. Is that wrong?

~ I never use my blinker… it’s nobody’s business where I’m going.

~ Here it is Tax Day and my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor finally finished his taxes. He’s getting $1.3 billion dollars back and somehow owns Puerto Rico.

~ Your lunch tab says “Caesar Salad,” but your bikini says “Entire dessert menu at the Cheesecake Factory.”

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~ I’m pretty much in a constant state of “recalculating route” mode…

~ If I’m wrestling you and you’re not wrestling back, why did you even come to my surprise wrestle party?

~ If you think you’re part of the solution, you’re normally part of the problem.

~ My Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor wrote his own wedding vows Saturday. Not sure trying to incorporate the words “weight loss” was such a good idea.

~ I wake up and can already smell the failure.

~ National Junk Food Day? Like my fat azz needs a reason.

~ I’m at the age where my idea of a “good time” is a nap.

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~ OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) didn’t understand me. I know she didn’t understand me because if she did understand me, she’d be making that face she makes when she understands me and just before she punches me.

~ I’ve always wanted to walk up to a stranger and hand them a briefcase and say, “You know what to do…”

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