~ If you stop and think about it … gynecologists, proctologists, and dentists help the hole community.
~ I believe in annoyed at first sight.
~ Objects in mirror are more sad than they appear.
~ I can make all your dreams come true … as long as your dream is to be disappointed.
~ Sorry. When I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed, I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
~ After this morning’s torture session, I think this is how the world will end … not with a bang, but with an elementary school recorder concert.
~ The main thing stopping me from seeing if I could in fact get away with murder, is that if I fail, orange is absolutely NOT my color.
~ While your thoughts may be worth more than a penny, I’m not the one that sets the prices.
~ Sometimes I use big words I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
~ Women who find me attractive are a lot like unicorns … they don’t exist.
~ My life spiraled downhill as soon as it became socially unacceptable for me to sit in the shopping cart while my Mom pushed it.
~ I wish I could lose weight as fast as I lose my patience.
~ I asked OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) what she would do if I were ever kidnapped. She said, “Probably take a quick nap, wait for them to drop you back off, and thenlisten while they apologized.”
~ I’ve done some things I’m not proud of … but they were pretty dang hilarious.