jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind


Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind … 2-27-2017

~ I got kicked out of Chipotle today for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.

~ I’ve never done a polar bear plunge into frigid, bone-chilling, icy waters, but I did get brain freeze from a Sonic Slushie one time.

FREE-Slush-at-Sonic

~ So it turns out that, as an adult, you can eat chocolate cake for breakfast if you want – there is literally no one policing this.

~ It’s all fun and games until someone loses the twist tie on the bread.

~ I’m getting a weird vibe from the dead guy on my lawn.

~ When OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?

~ When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in The Wal*Marts is doing.

~ My abs were lost in a freak, 54-year eating accident.

fat-belly

~ I spend 15% of each day calculating the percentages of what I do each day.

~ I’m starting the slowly incoherent club. The firdt rule of sluly incoharont clb is tg shgy bjome icghrt.

~ I still cannot grasp how an $80,000+ education did not properly prepare me for resetting the clock in my car.

~ If you don’t want to me to grind and twerk all up on you, then maybe you shouldn’t stand so close behind me in the checkout line at The Wal*Marts.

~ You’re never too old to throw random junk in people’s shopping carts when they aren’t looking.

~ Being an adult has involved a lot less fun and a lot more ibuprofen than I ever anticipated.

~ It may be called a toilet brush, but you can brush anything with this bad boy.

toilet-brush

~ I have a penchant to buy the garbage bags that don’t open from either end.

~ I’m often described lovingly as, “That guy over there.”

~ Sometimes I like to go to West Virginia and chew with my mouth closed just to show off.

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