~ I took some of my clothes in to the laundry today and I found $20.00 in my pocket. My first thought was, “WHO HAS BEEN WEARING MY PANTS?!?”
~ Thinking of funny posts is a whole lot easier when you’re dying on the inside.
~ I’ve reached the point that I have to check my bank balance on my phone before ordering a side of guac…
~ Since we’ve been married awhile, OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) has earned the right to maniacally laugh when someone tells her they’re getting married.
~ My family crest is just a single rotisserie chicken.
~ Nothing says I’m ugly more than my bowl of grits receiving more likes than my selfie on Instagram.
~ My new favorite hobby is counting how many noises my body makes as I roll out of bed.
~ Just got a text my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor sent last week. I wonder if he still needs a fire extinguisher?
~ This old guy in Wal*Mart was giving me the weirdest looks last night… and the worst piggyback ride of my life.
~ When I asked OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) to tease me, “Alright, Fatty” was NOT what I had in mind.
~ I don’t know what my problem is, but I’m pretty sure I have one.
~ OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) spends more time wondering what I’m thinking than I spend thinking.
~ Getting lucky when you’re married is being the one spouse to fall asleep before the other one starts snoring…
~ Ever apologize for no reason? No? It must be nice being single.
~ Hey guys, OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) is starring in a one-woman show called “Nothing Gets Done Around This Damn House Unless I Do It.” Critics are raving…
~ I’m so lazy I don’t even exercise my options.
~ Most people describe my dancing style as “Oh my god, does he need medication?”
~ After 34 years of marriage, OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) still makes me smile. Usually at family gatherings where she threatens me if I don’t look happy.