jester journals

Weird Ramblings from a Warped Mind


Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind … 2-21-2017

~ “Your bathroom has much better lighting for selfies” wasn’t a good enough excuse for my surprised neighbor getting out of the shower. So uptight.

~ You can be my type in three margaritas.

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~ One of my favorite ways to waste time is to do nothing about everything.

~ Relationship or hallucination? I’m really not sure. But either way, my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor is seeing somebody.

~ Sometimes I’ll stare at a calendar as I eat my cheese fries and try to guess which day I’ll have my heart attack.

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~ Sometimes, late at night, I think about the one that got away and wonder if things might’ve been different if I had used a long range tactical scope.

~ Tried cooking dinner for OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) last night and she went to bed with mood poisoning.

~ I had to cancel my gym membership because there were some changes in the vending machines that I didn’t agree with.

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~ Most people don’t think I’m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.

~ My motto in life is do no harm … but don’t quote me on that.

~ My superpower is caring about people who don’t care about me.

~ A gentleman always knows when it’s time to make his exit. Unfortunately for me, it’s never a graceful one.

~ Sorry I acted crazy. It will happen again.

~ Nothing says professional like blue raspberry Slurpee lips.

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~ I’ve never felt more betrayed by my body than that one time it let what I thought was a fart slip out while peeing in a public urinal.

~ I’ve never been to jail, but I used to go to work every day.

~ The lemon juice in the fridge was expired, but I squeezed it into my ice water anyway and I’ve never felt so alive. This is going to be epic.

~ Weird… when I ask OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) “How was your day?” she hears, “Describe everything that happened in painstaking detail … especially work drama.”

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