~ Momma always told me if looks could kill, I’d still have to resort to killing them with kindness.
~ Back in high school, I could always tell the date was going well when I heard the sobbing begin to let up in the bathroom.
~ I’m too old to do the low-hanging pants, because you’d be able to see my low-hanging fruit and that would be nuts.
~ I finally ordered OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) some new pots and pans! We won’t be able to use them for a while as we can no longer afford food, but at least she has nice pans.
~ My cardio for the day consisted of shaking the Parmesan for 32 seconds before I blanketed my pizza with it.
~ I just gotta get through this week … and then every week after that until I’m dead.
~ You’ll never truly know if you’re over someone until you’re in the car and they’re in the crosswalk.
~ There’s no such thing as a five second rule if you’re putting it on someone else’s plate.
~ I think OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) works WAY too hard for us to be this poor.
~ I’m not ADMITTING I’m lazy, but last night I watched a documentary on ferns because the remote was out of reach.
~ I come from a long line of frustrated people. And today it was the line at the DMV office …
~ I’ve been washing my hair with Ranch dressing for 13 years because the bottle doesn’t say not to do that.
~ If a cashier asks me if I found everything I was looking for, they’re inviting a serious conversation most are not equipped to handle.
~ We may be poor, but we’re not “can’t afford to drink tonight” poor.
~ Do you know what’s cooler than those fake balls hanging from your rear bumper? Everything. Every. Single. Thing. In. The. World.
~ I won’t take my sandals off in a hospital because that’s just gross, but I WILL swallow a quarter on a dare …which is the reason we were there in the first place.
~ I never did love Raymond.
~ Yeah I could have made better choices in life … but how much fun would that have been?!?