~ I have a lot to do today, so I’m scanning my social media.
~ Did you know you could use Cheetos as air quotes? You’re welcome.
~ As she sent me a tweet yesterday, OWN’s (‘Ol Weird Nancy’s) autocorrect tried to change tater tots to Tater Toots, and I think she has now stumbled on her redneck stripper name.
~ I was daydreaming about defeating an armed attacker with a flying spin kick yesterday and then a homeless man startled me and I dropped my salad at the buffet.
~ I’m contemplating opening a Donut Shop next to Whole Foods and calling it Hole Foods.
~ There’s no real secret to being as old as I am and remaining as stupid as I am.
~ I’m so unpopular right now even the voices in my head aren’t talking to me.
~ If money grew on trees, OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) STILL wouldn’t be able to take care of that plant.
~ It’s not my inner-child that is a problem … it’s my inner-idiot that surfaces way too often.
~ When I die I bet people will think back lovingly about me and say, “Oh, I thought he was already dead.”
~ I’ve started making our dog and cat watch commercials about homeless animals so they know just how good they have it.
~ I have reached that lameass stage of life where I consider cereal a treat.
~ So today I spent 3 hours at a rally against the 1% thinking it was about cell phone battery status.
~ I really don’t care what the definition of apathy is …
~ If I took the time to be embarrassed by my mistakes I’d NEVER get anything else done.
~ Someone at The Wal*Marts just pointed at me when I walked by and said, “See? Presentable.” Now I‘m not sure of the context, but I think I’m honored.
~ It’s NOT everyone else … it’s me. The problem is me.