~ Either OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) has taught herself judo or I just caught her trying to get her pantyhose off. ~ I try to be a really good person, but then someone talks to me and ruins it. ~ I have an 80-pack of fruit snacks from Costco in the garage … because I’m […]
~ It must be ironical that for years I’ve been pronouncing them academia nuts. ~ You can’t choose your family, but you can choose a hit man. ~ If I actually washed separately every item I was instructed to “wash separately,” one week’s worth of laundry would take over 400 years. ~ When they described […]
~ I got kicked out of Chipotle today for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line. ~ I’ve never done a polar bear plunge into frigid, bone-chilling, icy waters, but I did get brain freeze from a Sonic Slushie one time. ~ So it turns out that, as an […]
~ “Your bathroom has much better lighting for selfies” wasn’t a good enough excuse for my surprised neighbor getting out of the shower. So uptight. ~ You can be my type in three margaritas. ~ One of my favorite ways to waste time is to do nothing about everything. ~ Relationship or hallucination? I’m really […]
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see Dr. Chang, the well-known Chinese […]
~ I talk a lot of crap for someone who can’t put his drawers on without falling over. ~ I prefer the “let’s wait and see what happens” approach to dealing with my problems. ~ Let me know when you’d like me to make things uncomfortable … that’s my specialty. ~ I think my life […]
~ OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) and I have slightly different interests … she enjoys reading the Washington Post and I walked around all day yesterday wearing only one shoe. ~ All year we’ve been saving money to go on a Caribbean cruise. So far we have enough to buy a couple beach towels. ~ The […]
~ The reason I’ve been married so long is I’m good at being wrong. ~ Using the correct words is overraided. ~ Winning an argument with OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) is like getting first prize in a “Who Wants to Sleep on the Couch” contest. ~ My goal in life was to just be successful […]
~ I’ve started to dabble in real estate … I visit open houses and eat the free cheese. ~ All of my enthusiasm could be scooped up by a single Frito. ~ Never go to bed angry … or throw your cat like a football. ~ I don’t believe those “movies” anymore. I just took […]
As most of you know, I’ve been a touch over-weight for several years. I’ve tried, half-heartedly, to loose a few pounds here and there, but with little effect. That is … until I recently saw an ad on-line for “guaranteed weight loss” results. I was intrigued … I called the company and ordered their intro […]