~ The reality is, we’re all The Wal*Marts people. ~ I wouldn’t tell you how to raise your children, but I really think you should teach them how to shut the hell up more. ~ If you didn’t have a tangled up slinky and a Rubik’s cube with crooked stickers growing up, then did you […]
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So we had planned this trip for a few months. We left on Sunday, 2 Apr 2017 … the day before our 36th anniversary. (Yeah … I know, I know … but NO one is more surprised than us). Now WHY in God’s name I booked the first flight out of Huntsville escaped me that […]
A friend sent this to me and I then saw it over on The YouTube. It is SPOT on and can be a HUGE help to single guys. Take a look … 587,510
I must admit, I find these humorous … UNTIL I remember the folks these signs are intended for can vote. 587,222
~ Does resisting the urge to murder people count as “excellent social skills” on a resume? ~ The next time someone asks me what I write, I’m going to say, “Prison Rules” and then maybe just, like, choke them a little or something. ~ Air quotes work in every situation … especially I “love” you. […]
~ Either OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) has taught herself judo or I just caught her trying to get her pantyhose off. ~ I try to be a really good person, but then someone talks to me and ruins it. ~ I have an 80-pack of fruit snacks from Costco in the garage … because I’m […]
~ It must be ironical that for years I’ve been pronouncing them academia nuts. ~ You can’t choose your family, but you can choose a hit man. ~ If I actually washed separately every item I was instructed to “wash separately,” one week’s worth of laundry would take over 400 years. ~ When they described […]
~ I got kicked out of Chipotle today for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line. ~ I’ve never done a polar bear plunge into frigid, bone-chilling, icy waters, but I did get brain freeze from a Sonic Slushie one time. ~ So it turns out that, as an […]
~ “Your bathroom has much better lighting for selfies” wasn’t a good enough excuse for my surprised neighbor getting out of the shower. So uptight. ~ You can be my type in three margaritas. ~ One of my favorite ways to waste time is to do nothing about everything. ~ Relationship or hallucination? I’m really […]
~ I talk a lot of crap for someone who can’t put his drawers on without falling over. ~ I prefer the “let’s wait and see what happens” approach to dealing with my problems. ~ Let me know when you’d like me to make things uncomfortable … that’s my specialty. ~ I think my life […]