~ If I didn’t constantly jump to conclusions, I’d get almost no cardio. ~ A wave of euphoria washes over me when I realize that every sock has a match. ~ I have nothing in common with people who do anything. ~ We’ve been out of Doritos since Saturday, so my diet is FULL BLOWN […]
Category: Uncategorized
~ Does it count as saving a life if you just refrain from killing them? ~ I really want to lose weight, but I don’t want to get caught up in one of those ‘eat right and exercise’ fads. ~ To the guy who parked his new 2108 Lexus LC 500s across two parking spaces […]
Take a Knee … by Stanislaus Drew Take a little trip to Valley Forge in January. Hold a musket ball in your fingers and imagine it piercing your flesh and breaking a bone or two. There won’t be a doctor or trainer to assist you until after the battle, so just wait your turn. Take […]
So the neighbor next door had been complaining that our dog, Mr Beauregard, had been barking. A lot. And he does have a tendency to do so. A lot. But it’s normally only when he sees something to bark AT. Which is normally … a lot. Now I hate the electric zapping bark collars, so […]
~ It’s okay, Web MD … I don’t really know what’s wrong with me either. ~ So my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbors, being good Catholics, practice the “Rhythm Method” of contraception. Of course, being that they’re white, they already have 9 kids. ~ Please don’t call me a loser … I prefer the […]
Just some outrageously funny names that we are blessed to not suffer with … AND saved the best for last … good ‘ol Judy. 593,307
~ I think I’ve decided I’m more of a no-getter. ~ My sock keeps sliding down inside my shoe, so I really don’t want to hear about your petty problems. ~ In my family circles, I’m known by the nickname “Issues.” ~ Tomorrow. Tomorrow is definitely the day that I stop procrastinating. ~ It’s never […]
Do you consider yourself blessed? Think hard about that. There is a song that says, “Count your blessings … name them one by one.” But how often do you stop and really count all the things that you are blessed with? We are told in several books of the Bible that we must tithe. Leviticus […]
~ Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden. ~ ThOm’s Interstate rule: If someone passes you on the right, he’s a jerk. If three people pass you on the right, you’re a jerk. ~ If you start clipping your toenails at Olive Garden, they will ask you to leave. So much […]
~ Congratulations on your early retirement … I had ketchup for dinner. ~ I keep incredibly busy for someone that doesn’t do anything. ~ I don’t rely solely on my hideous appearance to drive people away … my abysmal social skills are just as effective. ~ Whoever said ‘carbs are not your friend’ … does […]