This one never fails to make me laugh … Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, “Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.” Esther always replied, “I know Morris, but that helicopter ride costs $50 dollars, and $50 dollars is $50 dollars.” One […]
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~ Momma always told me if looks could kill, I’d still have to resort to killing them with kindness. ~ Back in high school, I could always tell the date was going well when I heard the sobbing begin to let up in the bathroom. ~ I’m too old to do the low-hanging pants, because […]
~ You know you’re at a classy restaurant when the guy at the next table is blowing his nose on a CLOTH napkin. ~ Just a heads up for new members … I found out yesterday the offering plate doesn’t work like the “take a penny, leave a penny” at the gas station. ~ We […]
~ If I didn’t constantly jump to conclusions, I’d get almost no cardio. ~ A wave of euphoria washes over me when I realize that every sock has a match. ~ I have nothing in common with people who do anything. ~ We’ve been out of Doritos since Saturday, so my diet is FULL BLOWN […]
~ Does it count as saving a life if you just refrain from killing them? ~ I really want to lose weight, but I don’t want to get caught up in one of those ‘eat right and exercise’ fads. ~ To the guy who parked his new 2108 Lexus LC 500s across two parking spaces […]
Take a Knee … by Stanislaus Drew Take a little trip to Valley Forge in January. Hold a musket ball in your fingers and imagine it piercing your flesh and breaking a bone or two. There won’t be a doctor or trainer to assist you until after the battle, so just wait your turn. Take […]
So the neighbor next door had been complaining that our dog, Mr Beauregard, had been barking. A lot. And he does have a tendency to do so. A lot. But it’s normally only when he sees something to bark AT. Which is normally … a lot. Now I hate the electric zapping bark collars, so […]
~ It’s okay, Web MD … I don’t really know what’s wrong with me either. ~ So my Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbors, being good Catholics, practice the “Rhythm Method” of contraception. Of course, being that they’re white, they already have 9 kids. ~ Please don’t call me a loser … I prefer the […]
Just some outrageously funny names that we are blessed to not suffer with … AND saved the best for last … good ‘ol Judy. 593,307
~ I think I’ve decided I’m more of a no-getter. ~ My sock keeps sliding down inside my shoe, so I really don’t want to hear about your petty problems. ~ In my family circles, I’m known by the nickname “Issues.” ~ Tomorrow. Tomorrow is definitely the day that I stop procrastinating. ~ It’s never […]